I’m Not Ready


For some much of my life I felt like time stood still. I couldn’t get through situations or circumstances fast enough. I couldn’t move on quick enough. I couldn’t let go fast enough. I couldn’t fast forward to get to all the things I wanted, or at least thought I did.

Now all I want to do is stop time. I want to freeze moments so I can hold on to them a little longer (like this photo of me and my daughter who loved to laugh and hold my face close as a baby).

I want to hold on to these moments because I’m not ready. I’m not ready for my daughter to grow up. I’m not ready to have to tell her all the things of the world and why things are the way that they are. I’m not ready to explain to her that the Internet is a powerful yet very dangerous tool. I’m not ready for her to be exposed to things that she doesn’t need to be, and definitely not at such a young age. I’m not ready for the cyber bullying or bullying in general. I’m not ready to explain to her that she controls her own body and no one is allowed to tell her otherwise. I’m not ready to tell her how she doesn’t need to ‘sext’ a boy, take inappropriate selfies or engage in intercourse before marriage just because society has now deemed them acceptable actions and part of the norm when I know in my heart that they are not. I’m not ready for the arguments about why she needs a phone before she is 16 because times are different from when I was young.

I’m just not ready. I’m not ready for her to see the world as I see it now knowing that as she’s growing up it will be even worse. I’m not ready to explain to her that the morals and values I have much of the world no longer has. I’m not ready to wipe away the tears from the first boy that breaks her heart or friends that hurt her feelings. I’m not ready to watch the innocence fade from her eyes when she realizes the world is not what she had thought or hoped it would be. I’m not ready to tell her that people will intentionally hurt her, disappoint her, let her down and try to break her spirit.

I’m not ready to let her grow up. I’m not ready to lose my little girl. So for now, I will enjoy every moment and as much as I can. I wish time could stand still but it can’t. I just hope as she grows up she will know as I now know (thank you mom) that I’m only doing and saying the things that I will because I love her and want to protect her (even though I know I won’t always be able to). I hope she knows I will always be there for her even when she doesn’t think I am or she doesn’t like the answer I’m giving her. But for now, I’m not ready and thankfully I don’t have to be.

I pray that as she continues to get older, the world changes. I pray that my generation is the change. I pray that we go back to simpler times before phones monopolized all of our time and all of the technology that now consumes every one of us and continues to start earlier and earlier in age. I pray we get back to being able to enjoy the little things in life like nature and family dinners or having a REAL conversation that isn’t over text message. I pray that we restore morals and values in this world and instill them feverishly in our children. I pray we teach kindness and have zero tolerance for bullying, abuse of any form or lack of respect. I pray that the world becomes a place where I look forward to the future and not fear it. I’m not ready for what’s to come, but God I pray it’s better than what we have now.

Conformity.

birds-of-a-feather
conformity
noun con·for·mi·ty \kən-ˈfr-mə-tē\

: behavior that is the same as the behavior of most other people in a society, group, etc.

: the fact or state of agreeing with or obeying something

I am having some difficulty with the way our world is today. We live in a society where everyone just conforms to the majority. Everyone else is doing it so why not fall in line and follow the crowd? Why would you consider speaking up for what you truly believe in or have feelings about because that might put you….on the outskirts? Cause ridicule? Expose your true feelings? or Eek! Make you an individual?!

As American sociobiologist Rebecca Costa states in her book, The Watchman’s Rattle:

“Conforming to society and its pressures is much easier than making conscious decisions about every issue. The more complex life becomes, the more difficult it is to acquire the knowledge we need to make a correct decision. Not only are the decisions we face more complex, we also have to make many more of them and make them faster. From this standpoint, it’s no wonder that group behavior and groupthink are so seductive. The alternative is to become paralyzed by too much information, too many choices, and too much difficulty.

When conditions become chaotic and incomprehensible, we naturally align with the majority. We let the group decide because we believe there is special wisdom in the group’s decision. The results of “groupthink” can be hisoric and disturbing, as in the cases of Nazi Germany, Mi Lai, and the Abu Ghraib prison. But groupthink is by no means limited to human atrocities; it also explains the lines around the block on Black Friday, the spread of Disco in the seventies, and the 2008 stampede to buy rice when news of a possible shortage leaked out.

Experts who study human behavior speculate the drive towards uniform behavior may be a natural instinct inherited from our ancient ancestors. They suggest that survival opportunities increased when we acted as a unified group rather than as individuals. Working together enabled us to capture larger prey and to efficiently defend against more powerful predators. So, similar to the jackals and wolves, our ancestors relied on the strength of the pack for their well being. If this is true, it implies that we may be biologically predisposed to conform to the wishes and behavior of the group.

Regardless of whether our desire to conform to society is motivated by comfort, is biologically inherited, or is simply a natural inclination to take the path of least resistance, one this is certain: When it comes to survival, groupthink may be less complex than diversity, but it is also dangerous.” -The Watchman’s Rattle, Rebecca Costa

Why do we do this? Why? We live in America, the land of the free. If you don’t agree with something you don’t have to! That’s your RIGHT! And you know what else is your right? Speaking up about it! So what if others don’t agree with you, at least you’re staying true to what you believe in.

I’m sorry, but on certain topics, I will not fall in line with the majority. I will stay true to my feelings and beliefs. And I’m not hear to say I’m better than anyone, I’m saying I’m different. I am unique. We are all different and unique. We have been given the freedoms we have to make choices and decisions we feel are best.

When we stop thinking for ourselves and let society deem what is right and wrong we are doing two fundamentally things wrong. First, we are saying that society knows best. If everyone else is doing it then it must be right. Second, we are giving up our individual freedoms. We are letting others decide for us. We are conforming to the ideals of the majority because we are too scared/lazy/undecided/fickle/confused/overwhelmed or whatever other excuse we use to prevent us from going against the grain.

I am Catholic. I understand that not everyone is. However, my decisions/choices/actions and beliefs follow the catechism teachings of the Catholic church. People do and can criticize some or even all of these beliefs.They have the freedom to do that. But it isn’t going to chance the way I feel. Even if I don’t support something that everyone else does, I won’t conform. This doesn’t make me stubborn or ignorant. This makes me, ME.

There is a different between conformity and evolution. The world and people have evolved and continue to, but that doesn’t mean society’s way of evolving should equate to the conformity of everyone else. I don’t believe in casual sex. I don’t like how it’s displayed on TV shows (really ABC family? You seriously disappoint me), talked about on the radio (yeah, I’m talking to you Channel 95.5) and basically splashed everywhere as ‘a part of life’. Why isn’t anything left to be sacred anymore? Sex was meant to be between a husband and wife to procreate. It wasn’t meant for high schoolers who don’t know their ass from a hole in the ground (PARDON MY FRENCH)! But again, this me and this is how I feel. It’s evident that casual sex is considered fine in our society. Well, it’s not fine for me and I will gladly stay in the minority on this one.

I believe that everyone has the right to feel the way that they do. I will not invalidate your personal feelings…but I also ask that you not invalidate mine. If I don’t believe in something you do the way that you don’t believe is something that I do that’s okay! It makes us co-existing human beings with separate ideals. And we can each stand up for what we believe in. We have that right. But it’s how we do it. It’s how we differentiate ourselves. Our world is too entitled. We believe we deserve to ‘have it all’. We are sadly mistaken. Life is a GIFT. And whether or not you agree with me, it’s a gift from God. At any instance, your life can be taken from you. And that, you have NO control over. So when people act and live their lives as if the world owes them something, it makes me sad…very, very sad. Because I wake up each day thanking God for my life and my blessings. Maybe I don’t always act that way and that’s something I’m working on internally, but it’s my goal.

I hope more people stand up for what they believe in. I hope they don’t just conform because the rest of the world is. BE YOURSELF…everyone else is already taken.