To My Only Baby…

To my only baby:

Right now, this is it. It’s just us. You’re my only baby. Selfishly, I want you to be my only baby but that’s not God’s plan. God wants you to have a baby brother or sister so you are. Deep down I do too, I’m just having a hard time coming to grips with there being another baby here…with us. 

Because while my heart can love both of you, my head can’t seem to understand that. How can I love another baby as much as I love you? How is that even possible? I don’t know but it is. 

So now comes the difficult part. The part where I tell you there will be another baby with us. Forever. We can’t take him/her back (I tried that with your aunt and grandma said she was staying! Lucky for us, she did). It’s going to be different. I’m going to have to spend a lot of time with your new brother and/or sister because new babies need their mommies a lot. I know you need me too and I’ll always be here for you. Always

I need you to know that. I need you to also know how much I love you. You’re my first baby. You’ve given my life a purpose. You’ve completed me. You bring more joy and happiness to my life than I could ever put into words. You made me a mom. You did that. And that is something I will forever be.

I hope you know how much I cherish these moments with you right now. Sure, I have my mom meltdowns and days where I feel completely overwhelmed. I get frustrated with you and exhausted.  But those moments don’t hold a candle to the rest. The days when you call for me, run to me, laugh with me and just make me so happy to be your mom. 

You’ll never be little like this again. I’ll never be able to redo this time I have with you. I know that. It stings my heart a little not to be able to stop the clock. I hope you always love and need me as much as you do right now. 

So my dear, sweet only baby…know this. Know that you have forever changed me. Know that you have impacted me so greatly I will never again be the same. Know that my life is better because I have you in it. Know that every decision I make has you in mind. But most importantly, know that you are my first child…my first baby…and that will never, ever change.