Tag: parenting

The Kind of Parent I Want to Be

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No ever thinks about what kind of parent they want to be when they’re younger, at least, I never did. Even when you talked about what you wanted to be when you ‘grew up’, I’m sure if or when you said like mommy or daddy you really didn’t know what those words meant. I don’t think we really think about what kind of parent we want to be until we actually become parents. Yes, you more than likely talked about it with your future spouse before marriage. You shared how you grew up, how your parents were, things you liked and didn’t like and maybe even gave your own thoughts about how you would parent. When you got engaged, you talked about becoming a family and how that would change your twosome. Feelings of excitement and nervousness filled your body about the possibility of a ‘mini’ you or your husband. And then when you got pregnant, you thoroughly prepared yourself for your new role, envisioning what it will be like and trying to plan for it all. Then reality sets in and it hits you. It hits you HARD. And just like that, you’re officially a parent. There is no slow motion in parenting (despite how many moments we wish we could). The minute you become a parent it’s as if someone threw you in the ocean and just as you stand up, SMACK! you get crushed by a giant wave. You fight to get up again and you’re pretty out of breathe when SMACK, you’re hit again this time even harder. But now… now you know what’s coming so you’re prepared for this big wave….you get up, get your bearings and…nothing. Ahh, time to relax……SMACK! Parenting doesn’t stop. And even when you think you have the hang of it, everything changes.

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what kind of parent I want to be. Sometimes, it keeps me up at night. Sometimes, it leaves me in tears. Sometimes, it fills me with so much anxiety and fear that I start to panic wondering if I’m doing the right things. Am I doing the right things? Am I doing anything right?! Am I being the kind of parent my kids deserve? Because let’s face it, our kids deserve everything. And I don’t mean that in the entitlement kind of way, I mean that in the parenting kind of way. They deserve to get everything they can from us because it’s going to make them who they are one day. So shouldn’t we give them the very best of us? Is that even enough? If your parents are Baby Boomers like mine, then you probably grew up hearing ‘I only want the best for you’ or ‘I want you to have more than what I had’ or ‘I want to give you more than I was given’. Our parents always wanted more for us. They just wanted to give and give and give. They never stopped giving. You don’t understand that kind of ‘give’ until you’re a parent. You just don’t. There is nothing like it. When you’re a parent, you give until there is nothing left to give, and then you give more.

We want to see our children grow and succeed and become the best possible versions of themselves but being a parent nowadays isn’t easy. In fact, it’s almost nearly impossible. I don’t know how my parents did it. I really don’t. To try to keep up with a job, a marriage, children, a house, cooking, cleaning, school, school activities, sports, extracurricular activities, homework, meetings, church activities, volunteering and all the other things that come along with life as a parent seems completely unmanageable! And on top of that, now everyone gets to document it. Now everyone gets to show off what ‘amazing’ parents they are. This is not meant to insult anyone at all. I’ll be the first to say, I love sharing pictures of the fun things I do with my kids, who doesn’t? And I know almost all moms would agree with me that in the middle of one of your child’s meltdowns, not only is there no time to share it, but it’s such utter chaos that the thought of sharing it doesn’t even enter your mind. Yes, we share the best parts of parenting and it’s great, but sometimes it makes life seem a little less real, don’t you think? That’s when I personally have to step back and ask myself, why am I even on here? Why do I care about what other people are doing? I need to be spending time with my kids!

So here’s what I’ve decided. Here’s the kind of parent I want to be.

I want to be the kind of parent that one day, my kids will thank me for all the things I did, the things I taught them and even the times I was really tough on them. I want them to have the best memories of their childhood and look back upon it with fondness, joy and love. I hope that fondness fosters future memories for them with their children. I want to be the kind of parent that doesn’t give up….EVER….and always tells my kids I love them, no matter what they may say to me. I want to be the parent that teaches my children not only how to pray but to KEEP praying, because God hears your prayers (even if you don’t get the answer that you want). I want my kids to know I pray for them every single day (usually more than once!) and that will never stop.

But right now, I want to be a yes mom to my kids. No, that doesn’t mean I will give my children everything they want, but it means I will say yes to the things that I know one day they won’t ask me for. Yes I will play with you, yes I will lay with you, yes I will color with you, yes I will run around the house and chase you, yes I will read you that story again, yes I will spin you around for the hundredth time, yes I will make silly faces with you…YES, YES YES! I need more ‘yes’ moments. I need to give my children more ‘yes’ moments, because these are the ones you can’t get back.

Listen, I am far from this parent. I know that I can write these words so much more easily than I can put them into action. But this is an aspiration for me. This is me saying, YES I CAN DO THIS! Yes, I can do this on the days I run out of patience and it’s only nine o’clock in the morning. Yes, I can do this on the days I’ve been yelled at, slapped, smacked, bitten, peed on, spit up on and been thrown food on. Yes, I can do this when the house is a mess AGAIN, no one is listening or eating or doing anything they should be! Yes, I can do this because in the end, THIS is all you have. The days might be exhausting and unbearable and even downright miserable at times, but it’s the little moments, the little glimpses of pure joy that make it all worth it. The moments when I’m running around with my husband and our kids on the lawn in the middle of summer having a water gun fight and laughing so hard it hurts. The moments when you almost forget where you are and what you should be doing because you’re just enjoying those precious moments with your kids. Find your ‘yes’ mom and cherish those moments. I know I will.

Moms: Let’s Stop Apologizing

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As moms, it’s in our nature to apologize. We apologize for our children’s behavior. We apologize to family, to friends and even to strangers. We are constantly apologizing for what our children are doing. Why? Why are we apologizing? Because our kids are misbehaving? Because we’re embarrassed? Because we feel like it’s the ‘right thing to do’?

Well I say it’s enough! Moms, let’s stop apologizing. I went to Target solo the other day and had a mom apologize to me on the way out. She was with her four children all under the age of 6 and they were taking some time getting out of the store. “I’m sorry,” she said looking exhausted as she tried to hustle them along. “Please, don’t apologize,” I told her and smiled as I waited for them to get through the automatic doors. I know she felt the need to apologize but she didn’t have to, she shouldn’t have to.

We shouldn’t need to constantly apologize for our kids behavior because guess what, they’re kids! They’re going to dawdle, whine, cry, yell, throw fits, run where they shouldn’t, touch things they’re not supposed to and do a lot of things that we can’t always control but THEY ARE KIDS! Don’t get me wrong, I will never condone behavior that warrants apologies because certain behaviors are unacceptable and do require reprimanding (purposely hitting, smacking, biting, etc.). But let’s just stop apologizing for everything else, okay? Let’s stop feeling like we as moms have to be sorry for how our kids act at times because face it, we’ve all been there. Those of us who have children understand. We UNDERSTAND and we ACCEPT. We accept because that’s what we do as moms. We don’t judge. We don’t condemn. And if we do, then shame on us because one day we might be there!

Prior to kids, I was the ‘please don’t be a screaming kid on this flight’, eye roll to the child crying in the restaurant followed quickly with a ‘when will that kid stop crying’ comment, person turning around to see the yelling child in church and scoffer at the kids melting down in any store. Yep, that was me. I was completely unaware of what it took to be a parent and how difficult it can be to travel and do something as simple as going out to eat (especially with a toddler!). I am embarrassed to say I was judgmental. I didn’t understand why kids acted up or why their parents couldn’t get them ‘under control’. Fast forward to life as a parent and now I know. I cringe for my previous ways of thinking. I am a mom now, and I get it. I get how hard it is to keep your children entertained with public places. I get how hard it is when you’re trying to grocery shop and your children are completely losing it because they want to goooooooo, can’t touch anything and are wiggling (and sometimes physically trying!) to get out of the shopping cart! Kids at a young age are not easy, but they are also incredible to watch with their inquisitive minds, constantly learning and exploring this new world.

So moms, let’s unite together and take a stand. Let’s stop apologizing for our kids being kids. Let’s stop apologizing when we feel embarrassed. Let’s stop apologizing when we feel judged or as if everyone is looking at us and our kids. And let’s especially stop apologizing to other moms who get your struggle. We are not perfect. Our kids are not perfect. And it’s OKAY!

Maybe if we all worked a little harder to live in a more accepting and understanding world, it would be easier as parents not to feel like failures so often. We wouldn’t feel so judged and insecure. We wouldn’t get little or large amounts of anxiety going into public places. And for individuals without kids, please know we realize our children may be an inconvenience or even annoyance to you. We get the looks…but we’re just asking to maybe consider a more empathetic approach to our parenting struggles. Because no matter who we are (parents or not), we are all facing our own personal battles each and every day. Spread the love, find the patience and give the acceptance.

For My Son…

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It’s crazy how much I love you. Every ounce of me just bursts for you. I cried so hard the day we found out you were you. I had a feeling…that mama feeling…and I just knew you were going to be a boy. That, and well God told me, but that’s a whole other conversation:).

You came into this world just perfect and my heart will never be the same. There is something about having a son that no one can really explain to you. It’s so much different from having a daughter. Both are equally joyous, exciting and sometimes terrifying, but the raising of two different genders will definitely be…different.

Yes, I will raise you with faith. I will raise you to honor and praise God above all things. I will raise you to not just know Him, but truly love Him. ‘It’s much easier for a woman to express these feelings than a man’ some would argue, but I don’t believe that, and I’m not going to teach you that either. I’m going to teach you that it’s okay to have feelings and to share them. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to be vulnerable. And it’s okay to carry these feelings with you throughout your life.

I will teach you how to respect a woman. I hope you will see that from how your father respects me. We will both teach you about love. Although we cannot teach you how to love, we will show you. And one day, when you find a woman you want to marry, you will love and respect her just the same, if not more.

I will tell you about how the world has changed since I was little. I will tell you that morals haven’t. I will tell you how hard that will be to understand in such a casual and ‘socially acceptable’ society.

I pray for a better world for you and your sister. I pray that bullying comes to a halt and parents take responsibility for their kids and their actions. I pray that teachers get the respect they deserve and used to once have when I was young. I pray that morals make their way back into society and onto television versus what we have now. I pray that prayer continues to keep us together. I pray that you and your sister stay strong in your faith and never get mad at God for things that will happen in your lives because it’s not God’s fault. God does not cause pain and hurt, evil does. So many people will never understand that.

Your smile and laugh light up a room. You are truly such an incredible joy and blessing in my life. Seven months has flown by faster than I could have ever imagined. You have already taught me so much about myself. I hope our bond only continues to grow as you get older. I know God has great plans for you my son. I love you more than words could ever say. IMG_2818

Why My Child is Beautiful

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I was never one to say that ‘babies are beautiful’, even though they are. I always thought of them as tiny little beings with misshapen heads that look scared, squished and too fragile to touch!

I never really loved babies either. I wasn’t the type to go all ‘goo goo, ga ga’. I would hold them but was quick to return, especially during crying fits. Everyone would tell me “it’s different when it’s your own”, but I worried ‘what if I don’t feel that way?’.

It wasn’t until I had a child of my own that I realized everyone was right and how truly beautiful they are. When I found out I was pregnant I had an immediate connection and knew no matter what he or she looked like, my child would be beautiful. And I don’t mean beautiful in the vain sense, but a special form of beauty. The kind of beauty that takes you breath away because you created this child…what a miraculous gift from God! Truly, how else could it be described other than a miracle?

I look at her and think how lucky I am. She is beautiful to me because she was created out of love. She has a beautiful soul, so pure and unknowing of the world around her but exploring with every part of her. She has beautiful tiny feet that curl up and a beautiful smile…and sometimes smirk (just like her daddy). She has beautiful eyes and a beautiful little tiny nose. She has a beautiful heart which I know will only continue to flourish and melt my own as it does each day. She is beautiful to me because she is my baby.

So now I get it. I get why every person in the world thinks their child is beautiful…because their child is. How could you not think so? How could you look at that little face and see anything but beauty? My feelings about babies has changed. I love them…and I love them all. My heart aches when I hear a baby crying, especially my own. I love holding babies and try to soothe them when they are crying (even though it’s sometimes difficult when my baby is screaming her head off!). And although it was one of the most challenging times in my life, I miss my newborn baby (but look forward to all that will come as she continues to grow)!

It isn’t wrong to agree with someone telling you that your child is beautiful and it isn’t boastful either. It’s a sense of pride you feel knowing that you created this human being…YOU DID! In my eyes, my daughter always will be beautiful and I am proud to say it. For those of you that have children, I hope you are proud to say it too. Life is a gift, and I feel so blessed to have given life to such an incredible little girl.