One More Hug

My sister was talking with me the other day about when I go into labor and the plan for her to stay with my daughter Emma. I couldn’t even think about it without almost bursting into tears. I know it sounds silly but I’m not ready to leave her because I know in doing so everything changes. Of course this change is wonderful and a gift from God but I’m still having a difficult time.

It sounds so selfish to say that, it really does. But it’s as honest as I can get. I have so many emotions about another baby coming along and so much love for my baby girl that it’s all becoming a little too much for me (and too real with today being September 1st!).

So, I wrote this poem sobbing imagining that day not to far away when I will hug her one last time. I love you my sweet baby girl!

One more hug

I want to give you one more hug,
Before I say good bye.
Because this is the last hug,
Where it will be just you and I.

I’m going now but will be back soon,
And with me I’ll have someone new.
A baby that will live with us,
A brother just for you!

But as I look at you so grown,
With tears in my eyes.
I know this will be harder for me than you,
Having to say this kind of good bye.

So my darling sweet first daughter,
I give you one last hug good bye.
Our family is growing and that means some changes,
But I still promise moments of just you and I.

I will always cherish,
These first two years we shared together.
From you saying mama to I love you,
My heart is full forever.

And now we’ll make new memories,
With our growing family of four.
And it will be just as special,
If not, even more!

So here I go with one last hug,
I squeeze you tighter than you know.
A part of me doesn’t want to leave,
Or ever let you go.

God has blessed us abundantly,
And I’ll be back to hug you again.
I hope you know how much I love you,
And my love for you will never end.

What is This World Coming To?

16451-999x749
I don’t watch the news. I don’t really read it either. As a journalism major, it doesn’t even pain me to say this. I can’t stand the news. I really can’t. I’m tired of all the violence, depressing stories and celebrity crap no one really cares about (actually a lot of people do because it’s so overwhelming covered).

Sure, maybe some people will say I’m naive (or maybe even stupid) or how can I stay up-to-date on current events but here’s my reply: one, sticks and stones (hopefully you can finish the rest) and two, I stay current on what I need to. Ebola? Yes. I watched and I read. Measles? You bet.

But there are some things I draw the line with. Do I want to hear about some lunatic that killed his entire family and now wants to plead insanity? NO! Do I want to hear about another that put her child in the microwave? NO! Or one who killed two of her kids and put them in the freezer? NO! It sickens me. It really, really does. When it comes to children I can’t handle it, I really can’t. What is this world coming to? What is wrong with people?

I am not here to judge, that is not my job, but it pains me what people do. Why can’t they get the help they need before they commit these terrible crimes? Are their symptoms going completely unnoticed? Do they just snap one day? What is it? The questions rack my brain as I hear about these stories. I recently watched a video that went viral regarding two parents abusing their children (if you haven’t seen it, click here, but be warned it’s brutal). The sister of the mom actually filmed it. I cried. I hugged my baby extra tight that day. Why? These children are innocent. Why? (side note: the parents in that video aren’t being charged yet for child abuse because there isn’t enough evidence…what?!)

I wish I had answers, I wish someone did. But what I do know is this is the reason I don’t watch the news and don’t read about it either. I can’t stomach it. And when I do find myself caught on something (I intently followed the Laci Peterson story in college), I can’t stop. I keep reading, searching and wanting to know the latest updates. As a mom now, I can’t do it. I can’t follow these stories. It’s too heartbreaking.

I pray for justice, I really do, but I also pray for these people. No child deserves this…ever. But there has to be something seriously wrong with these people. I can’t fathom anyone mentally stable doing these types of horrific crimes. There has to be an internal struggle they are dealing with.

I still have hope for the world. I hope that people stop killing and find a way to deal with their issues in a healthy manner. In the end, good will triumph over evil…we just have to continue to hope and pray. So the next time you’re tired of, fed up, frustrated and angry with your kids, try to focus on how much you love them. Children are a blessing to be loved for, protected and cherished no matter what…let us continue to hope that even in the toughest times, parents always remember that.

Dear Husbands…Love the Mothers of Your Children

tumblr_inline_n9yeeit9Fz1sfcj98

Dear husbands:
We love you. We really do. And even when we don’t always show it, we are blessed to have your in our lives. You are our other half, our best friends, our companions for life, our secret keepers, our rocks, our circle of trust, our everything. We remember our first date and what you wore. We remember the first kiss. We remember the exact moment when we knew you were the one. We can still picture your proposal like it was yesterday. We will always remember our wedding day. It will forever be one of the best days of our lives. We remember the little moments, the ones you might not even think of. A look, a glance across the room, cooking together, dancing in the kitchen, laughing on the couch, taking a walk, cuddling at night, just being plain silly together…and we keep these moments close to our hearts.

But we also remember the bad. We remember the hurtful words, the painful arguments and the frustrating fights that escalate to a point where we forget what we’re even fighting about. We remember feeling unloved, unworthy and unappreciated. We remember the times you discounted our feelings, ignored our requests, judged our choices and didn’t listen to our thoughts. We remember not being on the same page (maybe even for a while), feeling distant, feeling your distance, wondering what the future holds, wondering how we can stay together, wondering at times how we got here, wishing things were different, wishing some things never changed, wishing you’d try harder, care more, help more…love more…

We are not easy to deal with, not by a long shot. We can be too emotional, too needy, too independent, too stubborn, too talkative, too worried, too insecure, too demanding, too negative, too hurtful, too nagging and sometimes just too much. We know this. We don’t try to be this way, it just happens. It’s part of who we are. We may be some of these things, none of these things or all of these things. Actually, we are a lot of things. We are wives, daughters, sisters, mothers, friends, caregivers, babysitters, students, employers and employees. But above all, above all the things that we are, we are mothers. We are the mothers of your children. We physically brought this/these child/children into the world. We are responsible for them 24/7. We know that you are responsible too. This gift from God wouldn’t be possible without you, but our roles are very different. Maybe you don’t see this, or maybe you do…

From this point on, we don’t have the time to be sexy. By the time the kids are in bed we are exhausted. Whether we are stay-at-home moms or working moms, we are exhausted. And we want to be sexy for you, we really do, but we literally do not have the time or the energy. So please just love us. Tell us that we are beautiful when we know we don’t even look close to that…and mean it. We want to see that look in your eyes when we go out without kids that you’re still insanely attracted to us. We want more than anything to feel loved even when making love is the last thing on our minds.

We can do it all but we will burn out. We can be the mom, the wife, the maid, the cook, the party planner, the host, the travel agent, the disciplinary, the ‘mean’ parent, the scheduler, the shopper for all needs/occasions/presents, the lunch mom, the PTA mom, the classroom mom, the sports coach, the taxi driver, the math tutor, the spelling checker, the project helper…we can be it all. But it’s not easy. It’s not easy to take on all the tasks that we do, many which go unnoticed. Sometimes we need help without asking. Sometimes we are tired too and would love to lay on the couch and veg out…but we can’t. We have to make bottles, make breakfasts, lunches and dinners, play, build forts, give baths, read bedtime stories, make sure there aren’t monsters in the room, tuck in our babies, clean up toys, clean up the house, do laundry, kiss boo-boos, help with homework, attend to cries, whines, whimpers, colds and stuffy noses. We don’t have time to relax. And if we did, we still couldn’t because our mind is listing all the things we still need to do.

So we’re sorry if we don’t have time to be the wives we once were or the wives you want. But we are the mothers. We are the moms that give our all to ensure we have respectful, kind, intelligent and loving children. We do this with your help of course, but we mostly take on this role and maybe you feel like we should. Maybe you feel as if this is what we were meant to do. But we need your help. We need your help more than you often sometimes give or offer. We need breaks. We need to lay on the couch and veg out. We need our hair done, our nails done, a massage, a nap or sleep without interruption, the ability to go to the bathroom alone, a bubble bath and sometimes we just need a day without all the responsibilities.

We love you. We really do. And even though we don’t always show it, we are blessed to have you in our lives. But you are blessed to have us too. You are blessed for all the things that we do. We may not always find time to take care of you and your needs, but we also need caring for. So the next time you begin to feel overlooked, unappreciated, dissatisfied, neglected, unnoticed and under cared for, understand that we see you, we love and we appreciate you. But our roles have shifted and as much as we try to be the best wives and mothers, sometimes being a mom is more important. So thank you for your love, your patience and your understanding. Thank you for letting outbursts slide, giving us a break and making us feel beautiful. But most of all and through it all, thank you for being our husbands.

Love,
The mothers of your children