If Only…

We live in a world of hurry. We want everything yesterday, five minutes is an eternity, waiting is should be outlawed and time is money. If only we could see the other side. The side where the thought of waiting leads something beautiful like the miraculous birth of a child or the moment when no amount of money could replace time with a dying loved one.

But we’re too much in a hurry. We’re too driven by our own needs for immediacy. Life can change in the blink of an eye and in those moments we question ‘why’, we are not prepared and we don’t understand yet we expect those instantaneous results in almost every other aspect of our lives…

The other day I ran into the post office to mail something. It was my day off and one of those 50-degree Michigan afternoons. I figured it wouldn’t be too busy and I could run in and out without having to lug my sleeping daughter in the car seat. I was first in line with one woman working and an elderly lady just finishing up. I figured this would be less than two minutes until the elderly woman after paying stayed to talk to the post office clerk. I almost lost my mind! There are people lined up behind me now. Do I just leave? Do I go up because she is finished? Do I tell the lady I’m in a hurry? I started tapping my foot I was so frustrated. It was only a few minutes but it felt like an eternity.

It wasn’t until I got into my car where my angel was still perfectly sleeping when it hit me. Maybe that is the only interaction this woman will have today. Maybe she enjoys her trips and talks at the post office because it’s the only time she can get out. Maybe she just wants to be heard. If only I could have been more understanding. If only I could have thought about her instead of myself.  If only…

I read this beautiful email forward my mom passed along and it bought me to tears. I hope you read it. If only we could have the love and compassion for life the way this little boy did. Can we? Can we all just stop being in such a hurry?

I don’t know. I truly don’t. We have been trained, maybe even a little brainwashed if you will, to rush and to be rushed. We have things like flash sales (buy me now before I’m gone!), instant coffee, fast food (the name alone says it all), rush delivery, and the fast lane (for driving purposes). We are bombarded with hurrying!

For most of my life I lived in a hurry. I didn’t have time or the patience. I rushed as often and as much as I could. I wish that I didn’t. Life is a learning experience and that’s one I’ve definitely changed. People felt my need to hurry. I hurt people in the process. I was constantly ‘rushing’ and never had the time.

If only I knew then what I know now. If only I could see how precious and beautiful waiting is. I waited for my husband. I waited through bad relationships and lots of broken hearts. I waited impatiently. And then, I gave it up to God and He gave me my husband. I thank God for him each day and for showing me the reason why I needed  to wait…it was for him. I waited 27 hours to meet my daughter. I waited that long to find out my baby was a she! I waited in pain and discomfort and at moments in fear, but the minute I saw her, I forgot about it all. She is everything to me and worth all of the waiting and more!

I bet any of you would wait patiently if you could see someone who is no longer here…someone who has left this life already. If you were told you have five minutes and all you have to do is wait you would. And you wouldn’t complain or huff and puff. You would be filled with joy of that moment to come. You might be overwhelmed with love and maybe even a little worry. But you would wait…wouldn’t you?

If only we could have that kind of patience with everything we do. If only we could stop being in such a hurry. Today I looked at pictures of my daughter when she was first born (pictured above) and thought to myself, ‘if only you were that little again’. If you’ve ever stayed up late and seen one of those infomercials to buy whatever it is they’re selling at the end the voiceover comes on and says “Why wait? Act now!” and then continues on with what you get for purchasing at that exact moment. So why wait? Why not?!

Life is full of unexpected and beautiful surprises. If only we could all just be in less of a hurry to experience them.

I’m Going to be a Mom!

I’m going to be a mom. Crazy. Sometimes my husband or my own mom will say ‘how’s little mama’ doing and I almost forget they’re talking to me. It’s such a blessing. I really feel so blessed that I am pregnant. Don’t get me wrong, I thought I would be the first person to completely panic that I was pregnant (and at times, I do), but I think I am ready. Actually, I know I am ready.

I look back now and think wow, what a change a human being growing inside of you can make. When I hear babies crying at church or anywhere, I can’t help but sympathize with the parents thinking about how difficult it must be for them and their poor child who is in some sort of distress. I now look at little girls and boys adoringly as I rub my own belly and wonder what gender our little peanut will be!

There’s something that takes over you when you become pregnant. You automatically become a ‘mom’. You have this special bond with your child and already feel super protective of him or her. You talk to your baby and sometimes you might even find yourself just smiling thinking about the joy of pregnancy (without all the gross stuff!).

I’ll be honest, my first trimester was TOUGH. I was exhausted to the point of taking naps on my lunch breaks at work, going to bed almost every night between 8-8:30PM, having my body reject all foods and wondering when I would stop looking like a fat blob and start looking like a pregnant woman! And don’t even get me started on the reading and research. It’s enough to drive any woman crazy! Is this car seat safe? Is this stroller? Is anything?!

But, it’s really all been worth it. I am in my second trimester and anxiously awaiting this child’s arrival in June. Life as (my husband and) I know it will never be the same. People say it to us all the time….’get as much sleep as you can now’, ‘go out to the movies and dinner often’, ‘get away if you can’….and at first I thought, wow, it’s not like we’re preparing for Armageddon here, but really, having a child does change the single lifestyle you’re used to leading as a couple. It will never again just be my husband and I…and I’m really okay with that.

Yes, I had my moments of selfishness and wanting to just travel and live the two of us but deep down, I always wanted kids. I just didn’t know when God would give them to us…and now He has. So, the journey has begun and we are halfway there. I have to say this is one race I can’t wait to get to the end of!