How to Really Get Skinny…

“The key to losing weight is really diet and exercise” says everyone EVERYWHERE! Blah, blah, blah. It’s the same song and dance. You read it in books, hear it on talk shows…everything in moderation, eliminate junk food or what they don’t say but usually ends up happening, trying the latest ‘fad’ diet. I’m here to tell you it’s all bullshit. It always has been and always will be. Anyone who tells you the key to their weight loss was ‘diet and exercise’ is full of shit. Sure, to some extent I bet it was. For instance, the show ‘Extreme Weight Loss Challenge’. They diet and exercise…but do you know how much? I read they work out from 6-8 hours a day. A DAY! Who has time for that?! And they have no junk food, none!

First, I should start off by saying “Damn it Jim, I’m not a doctor!” (that’s for my dad and any of you Star Trek fans out there). But really, I’m not a doctor and/or any medical professional and have no medical degree or background that would make me an expert to speak on this topic. I, however, have lots of medical people in my family ranging from nurses to doctors, but none of whom I consulted with before this post, lol. I also have dealt with a lot of food issues my entire life and have probably tried every fad diet out there (yes, I did the Beyonce ‘Master Cleanse’ diet…I made it four days, HAHAHAHAHA!).

So back to the topic at hand, the secrets to getting skinny. Are you ready? I mean, this is really mind blowing!

Wait for it…..

DON’T EAT! Don’t eat and have lots of stress. I hope you’re laughing but seriously, I’m not kidding. Have you ever seen the show ‘Survivor’? Do you wonder why they’re all skinny? BECAUSE THEY DON’T EAT! Have you ever had one of those stressful busy days where you haven’t even thought about food because it’s been so hectic? Have those every day!

Or, do like I did…move into a new house with a baby and have five weeks to prepare your new house (which is substantially larger than our previous one) for your daughter’s first birthday party that you invited over 100 people to (and 85 RSVP’ed yes!). Yes, the stress of moving, trying to furnish a new home and being a mom caused me to lose weight. Oh, and I didn’t eat. And when I say I didn’t eat, I didn’t. Maybe one meal a day. And it wasn’t on purpose…it just happened. I was too stressed.

Am I happy about this? You know it! I fit into all my pre-pregnancy clothes. But is it healthy? Not at all. The sad reality is, why can’t women just be happy with the bodies we have been given? Why can’t we confidently accept all of God’s gifts without all the complaints (‘my hips are too wide’, ‘my nose is too big’, etc.)? Trust me, I complain. I have complained about my body for as long as I can remember (hence, trying every ‘fad’ diet). But it’s wrong…it’s so so wrong. There is more to life than your body image. There is more to YOUR LIFE!

I want my daughter to grow up in a world where she doesn’t feel like she has to conform to what society deems as ‘beautiful’. I want her to feel beautiful in her own skin. I don’t want her seeing celebrities or reading magazines and believing that’s what she needs to look like. In case anyone has been living under a rock for eternity, those images are Photoshopped! And false advertising! Do you really think those girl’s eyelashes look like that from mascara? Ironically, she’s wearing ‘false eyelashes’. Do you really believe celebrities don’t have bruised knees, scars and cellulite on them? Because they do! They just airbrush them out.

We have become a vain, vain society. We are obsessed with looking better, no matter what the cost. Everyday there is a new product that reverses wrinkles, shrinks your fat, makes you skinnier, gives you more muscles and even surgeries to reduce, enhance or remove anything you want! And why wouldn’t you want to? It’s shoved in your face every chance it can be. And the worst part is we start to believe it. We start to think we need all these products and procedures. Heck, I just said the other day I need Botox! 

So, what can we do? For starters, love and accept yourself the way you are. Get in shape for YOU and no one else. Don’t let anyone make you feel less than beautiful because that’s just what you are. Second, don’t compare. I have a lot of skinny friends with amazing bodies. I let it bother me way too much in the past. Why can’t I look like that? I would think. But then I got over it and myself. How could I be anything less than thankful for what Gos has given me? So I have bigger thighs…that’s just me. I can either dwell on it or accept it. Third, be happy! If a diet is making you miserable then maybe it’s not the one for you! Life is too short to waste it sacrificing your own happiness! And finally, be grateful. You are blessed in your own ways. Find comfort in your own skin. Be confident!!! And most of all, love yourself…because in the grand scheme of things, if you can’t do that first, you can’t love someone else. 

Ps. Before any of you ‘health’ people get all worked up, my post was meant to make light of losing weight. I realize to many degrees diet and exercise can allow for weight loss…so chill:)

When Did I Stop Caring Completely?

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There came a point in my life when I stopped caring about what I looked like. I didn’t stop caring completely, I just ‘wasn’t as concerned’. It happened after my wedding. I was in the best shape of my life and I was newly married. I had a husband so my desire on ‘dressing to impress’ vanished. I found someone who loved me for ‘me’, even when that me had no make up on or was covered in acne creams. He loves me through all it all, even in the moments where I am the furthest thing from ‘sexy’.

We found ways to continue to stay in shape so we didn’t fall into letting ourselves go as a married couple, but when you live together, there isn’t really time to impress or a need (I think the vows ‘for better or worse’ could probably be applied here). Sure, we got dressed up for date nights, work functions, holidays and other events, but it wasn’t all the time. It wasn’t like when we were dating. And even after a while, you become comfortable enough to stop ‘trying’. I remember the first time I decided not to wear make up to hang out with my now husband. As I drove over to his (now our) home, I had this pit in my stomach filled with worry about what he would think. I entered with the bold statement, “well, this is me without make up” as he told me my face is beautiful and he always wants to see me that way…

Well, his wish is my command! I’m sure he didn’t mean ‘all the time’ but these days, that’s definitely what he gets. I have completely stopped caring about how I look. I think the worst part is it’s spilled into the rest of my life too. I go grocery shopping in sweat pants, I sometimes don’t even brush my hair before throwing it up and heading off to work and when we have parties/work functions/events to attend, it’s truly a struggle for me to fully dry my hair and put a somewhat presentable face forward.

I have become a beautifying slob. I have stopped caring completely about what I look like and it’s not okay. I have become lazy with my looks. I am embarrassed…except, I’m really not! I can scold myself a million times but I just don’t care that much. I should…but I don’t. I had a friend mention to me who got a new job that she wanted to dress better because she thinks people take you more seriously when you do. I tend to agree. Putting on my business suit, fixing my hair and applying some make up goes much farther than my baggy sweaters and maternity pants (which I completely need to stop wearing but I refuse until I return to my pre-pregnancy weight!). Or does it? Do people really care? Seriously, do they?

I need to work on getting back to trying with my looks, I really do. I guess there is just so much else going on in my life I don’t have the time or the will. Because as much as I say I don’t care, i still have that desire to feel pretty. I want to look it and be told it. Not all the time, but every now and then. So today I dressed better for work, wore my hair down and even applied some make up. Does it make me feel more confident or that people are taking me more seriously? Not really, but at least it’s an effort. And without effort, we would never have results. Beauty is only skin deep, but it never hurts to give that skin a good house cleaning once in a while.

It Will Never Again Be The Same…

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I knew after I got pregnant that my body would never again be the same. I mean, how could it be? I was going to be pushing a baby out of my lady parts! But that wasn’t the only thing that was going to change with regards to my body, and I thought I was okay with that. Heck, if celebrities can get back into amazing shape I should be able to, right? As US Weekly states, ‘stars…they’re just like us!’. WRONG.

Wrong, wrong, wrong. First off, celebrities are not real. It’s kind of like the awful movie Elysium with Matt Damon. Celebrities live in a different world where they have privileges to things us common folk do not. So with that being said, I really can’t compare myself to these ‘elitists’. In talking with my mom friends, they told me, ‘it took nine months to put it on, it will take about nine months to come off.’ I still thought I was okay with that. But as my nine month mark hit and I had gained a whooping 47 pounds, I started to wonder how I was going to lose all this weight.

At first I was able to breastfeed and I thought, great!, I’ll lose the weight super quick. But after an exhausting few weeks and a ton of issues with not producing enough and Emma losing weight, I had to stop and start formula. So there went that idea! I figured the stress of being a new mom would help as terrible as that sounds. I never had time for myself so eating wasn’t really an option, it was more of a luxury. If I got a meal, amazing, if I didn’t, expected. But when I did have the time it was the food that wasn’t helping, like candy at 4am or Doritos for breakfast.

As her schedule got easier, I was able to eat more. I tried to be more healthy but some days it was two glasses of wine for dinner! I wasn’t gaining weight but I wasn’t losing weight either. Everyone kept telling me ‘You look great’, or ‘You just had a baby!’ but none of it helped. I started working out and felt like I was looking a little thinner but then Thanksgiving hit…or should I say reality.

As a mom, you don’t really have the time to get dressed up, especially when you’re home with kids. You run errands in sweatpants and no makeup and you don’t care. Who are you trying to impress? No one. You’re just trying to get stuff done. And when it’s time to get ready to go somewhere you’re not thinking about yourself, you’re thinking about what your kids will wear (then your husband). You find outfits for them and worry about yourself last…at least for me. So when I finally found Emma the cutest outfit for Thanksgiving, I wanted to be in similar colors. I didn’t have time to buy something (another part of motherhood, insane time constraints) so I remembered having a top and skirt in my closet that would be perfect. It was settled! We are all set. WRONG.

Wrong, wrong, wrong. It was in those two hours before we had to leave for Thanksgiving dinner that I realized my body will never again be the same. Don’t get me wrong, I thought about this before, I guess just because now that she’s approaching six months I thought I would be ‘skinny me’ again. But ‘skinny me’ doesn’t exist anymore, and even if she eventually does, she will be a different ‘skinny me’.

As I tried on what I thought to be my perfect Thanksgiving outfit I had a top that couldn’t properly contain my ‘larger than I would like them’ breasts I now have and a skirt that zipping up was completely out of the question. So there I stood in the mirror trying not to cry. I tried other options. Too tight, doesn’t fit, too tight, too tight, too tight!!! When was I a toothpick? How did I seriously once fit in these clothes? And also, why the heck did I buy everything so tight? Apparently my skinny ass could wear tops that stuck to my stomach because I didn’t have this baby pooch! So I stomped around the house and told my husband “I’m staying home” to which he already knew what I was upset about. I finally stopped and realized how ungrateful I was being. I have a beautiful, healthy daughter and I gave birth to that beautiful, healthy daughter. Maybe if I didn’t gain 47 pounds and got into the accident I did she wouldn’t be here.

So yes…my body will never again be the same. My hips are wider, everything looks different and I’m definitely not ‘skinny me’ anymore but I can get there. I can get to a size that makes me happy, even if it isn’t the size I once was. Sometimes I think we get so caught up in physical appearances we forget what really matters. We lose sight of what’s important because we’re memorized by the outer shell. Ever buy a pair of shoes that were insanely uncomfortable but looked amazing? Mine are in a box in our basement, half a size too small but oh how I loved those pumps. Or what about dating someone purely based on their looks alone? How did that work out for you? We all can be vain in some way or another. I know I have been recently…I’ve been so focused on not being the ‘skinny me’ that I forget about the rest of me! I become angry, upset, jealous, bitter and lots of things I don’t like being. I become ‘evil’ me and no good comes from evil.

My body will never again be the same. And I’m okay with that. I’m okay with not being ‘celebrity skinny’. I’m okay with not being old ‘skinny me’. I’m okay with it all because I received the most beautiful gift from God and if that meant changing me to do so, then I’m okay with it. I really, really am.