This Too Shall Pass

I’m currently laying on my son’s floor. I’m making sure he’s fully asleep before I ninja crawl out of his room and pray he doesn’t wake up and the vicious cycle begins again.

This too shall pass.

My son has regressed with sleep. I’m not sure what happened or why but it did. He went from being the best napper and sleeper to one that now fights naps and can wake up anywhere from 4-5 times a night. Some night it feels like he’s a newborn….11pm, midnight, 2am, 4am and the dreadful up for the day at 5am. Interrupted sleep is something I cannot handle. I don’t believe most people can. Little or no sleep can make any sane person go insane. I’m barely functioning the next day let alone having any patience for my kids who deserve it, because they do, even in their most frustrating moments.

This too shall pass.

I try my best. I try my hardest for them to be a calm, non-yelling mom. I try to give them all of me when I so desperately want a break. I try to manage my son who can’t sit still, only seems to have one volume (LOUD) and likes to hit and bite for no reason (the first one usually out of anger and the second out of excitement). I try to be patient with my daughter and her emotions which can be very exaggerated and at times very draining. I try to give them both attention while refereeing their fights throughout the day. I try to be a great mom. I try.

This too shall pass.

These are the phases I’m in. The days are long. The needs seem endless. They are not perfect. I am so far from it. They are little and learning how to figure out this big world they live in. They get frustrated. So do I. They get upset. So do I. They yell out of anger. So do I. They cry. So do I. There are many emotions in our house throughout the day. We try to work through them the best we can.

This too shall pass.

I question my skills. Am I well equipped to be a mother? Am I making the right choices? Am I doing enough? Heck, am I enough? I read books and articles and whatever I can in the little free time I have. I am giving it my all to give them more and to be more so that one day, they have more. But then there are days that feel like a loss. They feel like a big, fat F. They feel like I’m failing. I can’t get it together. They can’t stop fighting. My husband and I can’t agree on things (parenting and otherwise). I can’t control my own emotions. I feel my parenting skills diving deep down into somewhere between disappointing and disastrous.

This too shall pass.

I tell myself ‘this too shall pass’. I try not to cry as my son wakes up again because I still haven’t been able to fall back asleep. I fight the depression I sometimes fall into as the days blend together, same routine after routine. I dream of going on vacation and winning a million dollars as if those things would make life easier. I practically dream for a full nights rest. I pray for patience. I pray for guidance. I pray for strength. I pray to get me through moments I cannot handle or am too tired to. I pray a lot.

This too shall pass.

Motherhood and staying home as a mom is not easy. It’s wonderful and a blessing but also very challenging. And just like anything in life, there are good days and there are bad. There are great moments and crushing ones. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I love my kids more than words can say. But this phase is hard. It’s really hard. However, this too shall pass.

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