Today my daughter went to my girlfriend’s house to play with her twins and be watched by their nanny. She hadn’t gone in a while due to scheduling conflicts so I was worried she would cry pretty hard this time. I prepped her that I would be leaving and she would reply with ‘bye mommy’ and I said ‘yes, but I always come back to get you, right?’ to which she would sweetly say ‘yes’. I braced myself for today because leaving my crying child, even if it’s just for a few hours, breaks my heart. I know she’s okay, not in any danger and completely safe but it’s still tough.
When I told her it was time for me to go she said ‘bye mommy’ and blew me kisses. She didn’t cry or pitch a fit. She was okay, in fact, she was more than okay! I turned around and walked out so fast because the tears were streaming down my face. As I drove home crying a smile hit my face and I realized with great joy and some sadness that my baby girl is growing up. She’s growing up so fast while at times I feel like I’m standing still (even though the grays in my hair and stiff muscles in my body tell me otherwise!).
I never thought being a mom would actually be so emotional. I didn’t realize the incredible love and joy I would have for this little person. I still feel like I can’t fully put it into words. But what I do know watching her growing up is hard as a mom. I am proud yet fearful, excited yet nervous, happy yet sad and with every joy comes a little sadness as I see how independent and amazing she is becoming. God gave us the beautiful gift of life and we get to watch and help mold our children to become something incredible all the while knowing one day we’ll have to let them go. One day we’ll have to set them free and hope everything we ever taught them sticks.
Every other night I read my daughter ‘On the Night You Were Born’ and try my hardest not to cry. She’s too young to understand these feelings I’m having and I don’t think ever will until she has children of her own. I finally get all the things my mom had told me for so long now that I have a little one (I love you mom!). I have visions of the future and think about my daughter getting married and how at some point during that special time I will read again to her or somehow incorporate ‘On the Night You Were Born’ so that she knows heaven truly ‘blew every trumpet and played every horn on the wonderful, marvelous night you were born’.
I love every moment I get to spend with my baby girl and wouldn’t trade that for anything in the world. She is happy, she is safe and she is SO VERY LOVED. Growing up may be hard for me as a mom, but watching her is one of the most incredible gifts I will ever be given.