I love my daughter. I truly, truly adore her. I love her laugh, I love her cuddles, I love everything about her. The love I have for her can’t be explained but only experienced. It’s a mother’s love…and it’s fiercely powerful.
Having more than one child takes a lot of work. Heck, I’m struggling with just one! I think about another child and my mind is filled with thoughts like, ‘Will Emma feel neglected? Will I feel guilty? Will I always love her the most? Can I handle two? How will I handle two? Can I really survive those first three months again on top of another child to take care of?’ The questions don’t stop and none of them include excitement.
The thought of another baby doesn’t excite me. And maybe that’s terrible to say but right now it’s the truth. I know I want Emma to have a sister or brother but I don’t have that urge to provide her with one any time soon!
My daughter is awesome. I know a lot of people feel their kids are awesome. It’s part of our parent pride. We should feel that way and we should express those feelings to our children often. But honestly, Emma is amazing. She’s so smart and such a good baby. Every day with her is a blessing (even when some days are more difficult than others). She truly makes my life purposeful.
So maybe one is enough? Maybe one is all I need. Maybe it’s just her and I’m okay with that. I really am. But I’m also okay with another baby despite all my fears. I think giving Emma a sibling would be wonderful. And this is where I stand…a crossroad of emotions.
So as I continue to fumble my way through motherhood, I will put my faith and trust in God to determine what’s next because ultimately, He is in control. But for now, one is enough. And that enough is GREAT!