When Did I Stop Caring Completely?

tired lady
There came a point in my life when I stopped caring about what I looked like. I didn’t stop caring completely, I just ‘wasn’t as concerned’. It happened after my wedding. I was in the best shape of my life and I was newly married. I had a husband so my desire on ‘dressing to impress’ vanished. I found someone who loved me for ‘me’, even when that me had no make up on or was covered in acne creams. He loves me through all it all, even in the moments where I am the furthest thing from ‘sexy’.

We found ways to continue to stay in shape so we didn’t fall into letting ourselves go as a married couple, but when you live together, there isn’t really time to impress or a need (I think the vows ‘for better or worse’ could probably be applied here). Sure, we got dressed up for date nights, work functions, holidays and other events, but it wasn’t all the time. It wasn’t like when we were dating. And even after a while, you become comfortable enough to stop ‘trying’. I remember the first time I decided not to wear make up to hang out with my now husband. As I drove over to his (now our) home, I had this pit in my stomach filled with worry about what he would think. I entered with the bold statement, “well, this is me without make up” as he told me my face is beautiful and he always wants to see me that way…

Well, his wish is my command! I’m sure he didn’t mean ‘all the time’ but these days, that’s definitely what he gets. I have completely stopped caring about how I look. I think the worst part is it’s spilled into the rest of my life too. I go grocery shopping in sweat pants, I sometimes don’t even brush my hair before throwing it up and heading off to work and when we have parties/work functions/events to attend, it’s truly a struggle for me to fully dry my hair and put a somewhat presentable face forward.

I have become a beautifying slob. I have stopped caring completely about what I look like and it’s not okay. I have become lazy with my looks. I am embarrassed…except, I’m really not! I can scold myself a million times but I just don’t care that much. I should…but I don’t. I had a friend mention to me who got a new job that she wanted to dress better because she thinks people take you more seriously when you do. I tend to agree. Putting on my business suit, fixing my hair and applying some make up goes much farther than my baggy sweaters and maternity pants (which I completely need to stop wearing but I refuse until I return to my pre-pregnancy weight!). Or does it? Do people really care? Seriously, do they?

I need to work on getting back to trying with my looks, I really do. I guess there is just so much else going on in my life I don’t have the time or the will. Because as much as I say I don’t care, i still have that desire to feel pretty. I want to look it and be told it. Not all the time, but every now and then. So today I dressed better for work, wore my hair down and even applied some make up. Does it make me feel more confident or that people are taking me more seriously? Not really, but at least it’s an effort. And without effort, we would never have results. Beauty is only skin deep, but it never hurts to give that skin a good house cleaning once in a while.

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