I love being a mom, I really, really do. I love watching my daughter grow and I simply adore her…but being a mom is so different than not being one. I didn’t really begin to comprehend it until I had my daughter. In that moment, everything changed forever.
When I was single, I didn’t really ‘relate’ to my friends with kids. When I got married, I didn’t ‘understand’ my friends with kids. It was almost like they lived in a different world. A world of play dates, babbles, baby voices, bath time, birthday parties, Disney, Dora the Explorer, kid friendly trips and so many things I couldn’t wrap my brain around. Maybe it was because I wasn’t ready for kids, or maybe it was because I didn’t have them. We’d catch up (because sometimes we wouldn’t talk for a while), but our conversations would be the craziness in my life (relationships, break ups, new relationships, going out, going on vacation, etc.) vs. the craziness in theirs (having kids, taking care of kids, lack of sleep, more kid stuff). I love them all dearly, always will, but I didn’t understand it.
Well, now I get it. I get how your life completely becomes about your children, and not because there’s nothing else for you to discuss, but because it’s what your lives start to revolve around. People ask about your kids, you share stories, you talk about what they’re doing, how they’re growing, you share pictures, videos and you can’t stop smiling. You’re proud, thankful, grateful, over the moon and madly in love but sometimes you’re also overly tired, stressed out, clueless, paranoid, out of patience and just plain frustrated.
To all my single friends, or even my married friends without kids, I love you, I really, really do. But I don’t think you understand my life now. I don’t think you get it. Maybe you think you do, but honestly, I don’t think you can. I don’t think you can because kids change everything. Kids change your views on the world, how you see yourself, your husband and others with children. You ‘get’ your friends with kids, in fact, you rely on them so much you’d be lost without them. Again, this isn’t to offend any of my friends sans kids, it’s just that I was once there, I was once you and it wasn’t until I wasn’t you that I really saw, understood and felt what all my friends with kids were talking about. I still had great relationships with my friends with kids when I didn’t have them, but now I feel like I have even greater ones.
There are those that will never have kids. Whether it’s by choice or not by choice. And we will still be friends with those individuals because friendships aren’t based on your family status (married, single, married with kids or married without). But those friendships might change, and not intentionally but simply because of where you are in your lives.
Some days I miss my life without Emma. I miss my selfish time, not having someone rely on me 24/7, the ability to sleep in and essentially ‘have a life’. But then I think about her sweet little face and know that she is my life, she’s the light of my life. She’s the second best thing that’s ever happened to me (husband is first!) and I thank God for her every day. Right now, I am a mom, I will always be a mom, and finally, I get it.